As Winter extends its last reach to inhume us all in its powdery white overlay, I am reflecting on this year's blistery season. I must be clear that I do not consider Winter's start date as the day of the Equinox but rather when the weather starts to truly be cold (sub 40°). The cold and I had a falling out many a year and we do not intend to reconcile at any point in the near future.
Living in the D.C. suburbs of northern Virginia, our Autumns last about two weeks. Sadly, the changing of the season is all-too-brief. A few days ago, we received our first (and most likely only) snow storm of the season. Here in Virginia, we received about 2 1/2 inches which is borderline menial. My view is that if the weather is cold, it may as well snow! Do you know what is the worst? Cold rain. It's painful.
When the Autumnal foliage sets upon the east coast and the world is decorated in hues of gold, orange, red, and maroon, so sets in a different version of myself; one more reclusive. I usually run to Trader Joe's to stock up on the seasonal Pumpkin Spice coffee (I'm basic, I know) and prepare myself for true introvert living. I usually have a Spotify playlist of new music up and ready to go to serve as somewhat of a narrator for the season as well. This past Autumn, I created a compilation playlist of songs that served me well through Autumns past.
As the leaves fell, I found myself preparing to spend copious amounts of time not just indoors but at home. I decided that this Winter, I would become a recluse and focus on working as well as picking up a weird new hobby: Chopping wood and building fires in my home fireplace. For most of human history, this was an everyday action but we've lost this skill since the Industrial Revolution. Living in an area with an abundance of wood encouraged me to give this a whirl and I loved it. Much like the trees shed their leaves, I become a reverted introvert. I find great benefit in doing so every year though; it serves as a lengthy opportunity to reconnect with myself on a deeper level.
"Do you ever just sit and think?", I once asked a co-worker,
He responded by asking, "Think about what?"
"Anything. Yourself, your past, your future goals, why the dirt is brown, why society is of a certain way, etc", I responded.
He told me that he never did. His time was spent similarly to my peers; Work, gym, hanging out with friends and binge watching shows. He is not an anomaly; he's a modern-day "normie" (Normal person). This has become, what I fear is the normal pattern of our generation of millennials; Of course, there are other hobbies and activities peppered in here and there but for the most part, these activities comprise the everyday existence.
In our modern day of social media with us broadcasting our glorious lives on Snapchat, Instagram, and for us older millennials, Facebook as well. As many studies have found, these behaviors can and have led to depression within large groups of people. We feel like we're always supposed to be out doing something in order to lead eventful lives. We are supposed to have 1,000 followers on Instagram who see our photographs along with 250 friends on Snapchat who regularly view our stories. We're supposed to get 100 likes on our Facebook posts. Without all of these others in our lives seeing how social and active we are, how else will we validate our social lives? I'm being facetious as I'm sure you can tell.
While it's nice to feel socially validated and have a sense of belonging all while receiving comments from friends/random people/borderline stalkers whenever we post something, this in no way should serve as a means to feeling social validation. I'm not targeting social media usage, per say but rather the mindset of feeling like we need to be out with others to actually be doing something. As I mentioned before, I become a hermit in the Winter and I love it. Though I would consider myself an extroverted introvert, it's so relaxing and productive at the same time.
When I look back at Winter and how much I have been able to accomplish both externally and internally, the feeling is satisfactory. It's important for us to spend periods of time with ourselves and observe. We can observe others, learn something new but most importantly, we should observe ourselves.
Do you feel like you really know yourself? It's a difficult question to answer because there are so many aspects that make us, us. We have different versions or ourselves for different environments. But who are you, on a deeper level? It's easy to feel like we know ourselves but to answer that question, it requires exploration of our minds past those shallow layers. "I am a twenty-something year old whose favorite food is eggplant lasagna and loves listening to The Smiths" doesn't mean that we truly know ourselves. If you can label yourself as a hipster, you definitely don't know yourself (Sorry, I had to take a jab at Hipsters). A person who truly knows them-self shouldn't be able to fit themselves into one all-encompassing societal category.
Knowing yourself deeply, in my opinion, means looking back to where it all begin for yourself. Where were you born and how did that lead to who you are as a person? Piecing together various relationships and experiences that have led to your current placement in the world, and how that has shaped you is what I'm talking about. For me, being born in a small town in North Carolina, having moved to Virginia, growing up around predominantly upper-middle class Caucasian individuals has had a huge impact on my young adult life. The only reason I can confidently say this is because I've spent a lot of time reflecting on how I grew up and connecting dots to lead me to my current state.
Some of the most memorable periods of my life were when I didn't have too many friends around. For example, Summer 2007 was a very pivotal time for me. I moved to Orange County, California and didn't know anyone there. My days consisted of riding my bicycle to Newport Beach and staring at the ocean or writing poetry for hours on end. Among that time, I would think about how I became a person who wanted to move so far away from home and why I chose California; it all made sense to me.
I think the most well-adjusted people are the ones who feel comfortable with themselves. Rather than feeling the need or desire to surround themselves with others, being alone is comforting. The word "alone" is a stigmatized word that often gets confused with being lonely. A person who is alone isn't necessarily lonely. Once you can master who you are and navigate the inner, subconscious workings of your mind, you are powerful.
Perhaps this post should have a title change as the word "solitude" is rather strong. From personal experience, it requires solitude to achieve this sense of mental accomplishment but it's not absolutely necessary to be in a state of solitude and away from others but that doesn't hurt. Do you know where you want to be in ten years? Do you know what kind of person you want to marry? How about what kind of person you want to be? These shouldn't be fleeting curiosities but questions you feel confident answering. Our lives are always subject to change so we can't positively know what will happen but knowing what we want and what we are working towards is extremely important. Life is a journey but not one that we should not have firm control over.
I've seen many of my peers float through their human existences without subconscious input. They move to areas for jobs in industries that they don't feel passionate about because the pay is satisfactory. They end up marrying men or women that they get along with enough to commit to but don't ponder how they or their partner will change over time. While I don't think we should be picky about every aspect of our lives, many of our choices are based on thoughts that we did not think deeply about. I've been fortunate enough to have a safety net for much of my life that has allowed me to make certain decisions without having to worry about failing and not everybody possesses this luxury, I am aware of that and don't mean to come across as condescending.
My intention with this post is for people to really think. Don't be afraid to explore your mind and why you are who you are. Who knows? You might uncover aspects about yourself that you want to change or improve upon. You may shockingly discover negative aspects about yourself that you will change. Think, think, think. Some of our history's most influential and intellectual individuals were those who refuted the public's desire to fit in and were comfortable in their own skin, even if they were ridiculed. I'm hoping that we can all accomplish this feat.
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