Please be advised, the following is from my own analysis, personal experiences and insight. Everything I am saying could be completely wrong.
It’s funny to me how much the word "love" is thrown around. It’s such a powerful expression that I dislike using casually. I’ve been told by a good amount of people that they “love” me but what does that really mean? I don’t think any affinity they may have for me is not at the level of love. I don’t think there is one way to define love but there are certainly action that correspond with the feeling. Obviously in life, certain people will love you for the sake of having to but it is very rare to meet somebody outside of familial or obligatory relationships that feels such a way.
“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, this is bogus. Love is unbreakable, Love is not a finite thing. I do not believe that you can fall out of love… If there was somebody in your life that you truly love(d), you would not lose that feeling. To me, dating is borderline ridiculous and a fantastic way to set yourself up for misery, heartache and false expectations. We have all heard love songs, watched television shows, movies and have seen that flowery side of relationships; there is nothing wrong with that. The problem arises when that is what somebody expects from a beau.
It’s funny to me how much the word "love" is thrown around. It’s such a powerful expression that I dislike using casually. I’ve been told by a good amount of people that they “love” me but what does that really mean? I don’t think any affinity they may have for me is not at the level of love. I don’t think there is one way to define love but there are certainly action that correspond with the feeling. Obviously in life, certain people will love you for the sake of having to but it is very rare to meet somebody outside of familial or obligatory relationships that feels such a way.
“It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, this is bogus. Love is unbreakable, Love is not a finite thing. I do not believe that you can fall out of love… If there was somebody in your life that you truly love(d), you would not lose that feeling. To me, dating is borderline ridiculous and a fantastic way to set yourself up for misery, heartache and false expectations. We have all heard love songs, watched television shows, movies and have seen that flowery side of relationships; there is nothing wrong with that. The problem arises when that is what somebody expects from a beau.
If you are dating or seeing somebody, you are pretty much only seeing one side of that person and that very well may be their best side (if you’re lucky) or they may even introduce you to some friends or family members here and there. Once that person is away from you, they may be a totally separate person. They may be sweet, kind and friendly when they are with you but completely cold and heartless towards others. Another instance is that there may be hobbies or interests that they have that you do not have or may even dislike and wish that they did not have. If that person is subservient or not very confident, they may hide those interests around you as to not upset or bother you but they may wish that it was something that they could share with you.
How can you be in love with somebody if you don’t love each aspect of them? For all of the good that they have, what kind of person would not lovingly accept that? I’ve seen that it’s very common for guys to love their wife but not care much for their wife’s friends or even their family. How is that true love if you do not also love who/what they love? it’s not really love. Those friends are a small piece of what makes that person who they are as is their family and their hobbies/interests. To tell somebody that they need to cut out friends or see family less or to not watch certain shows they enjoy is to indirectly tell them that you do not love a strong piece of them. Now, of course this comes with limitations. If a guy loves his wife but she has addictions that are detrimental to her well-being, that’s definitely a problem. If a man/woman loves somebody but hates that they’re not practicing in their faith or wants to help them become stronger in faith, that’s not a bad change to want. It’s not a bad thing to want to help somebody to change, so long as its for the better.
Now, this upcoming paragraph may make more sense primarily to my Muslim readers so I apologize if I am disqualifying anybody who may know much about Islam. In Islam, half of our Deen (faith) lies within marriage; to get married is to complete half your Deen. Why is that? Are people who are single half-Muslims"? To some degree, they very well are or can be. To get married to somebody instantly makes you care about somebody in a way you most likely never cared about a person before. You care about their level of faith and hopefully want them to become even better/stronger of a Muslim. Getting married is honestly a new beginning for both people. It’s the start of building a new life together.
How can you be in love with somebody if you don’t love each aspect of them? For all of the good that they have, what kind of person would not lovingly accept that? I’ve seen that it’s very common for guys to love their wife but not care much for their wife’s friends or even their family. How is that true love if you do not also love who/what they love? it’s not really love. Those friends are a small piece of what makes that person who they are as is their family and their hobbies/interests. To tell somebody that they need to cut out friends or see family less or to not watch certain shows they enjoy is to indirectly tell them that you do not love a strong piece of them. Now, of course this comes with limitations. If a guy loves his wife but she has addictions that are detrimental to her well-being, that’s definitely a problem. If a man/woman loves somebody but hates that they’re not practicing in their faith or wants to help them become stronger in faith, that’s not a bad change to want. It’s not a bad thing to want to help somebody to change, so long as its for the better.
Now, this upcoming paragraph may make more sense primarily to my Muslim readers so I apologize if I am disqualifying anybody who may know much about Islam. In Islam, half of our Deen (faith) lies within marriage; to get married is to complete half your Deen. Why is that? Are people who are single half-Muslims"? To some degree, they very well are or can be. To get married to somebody instantly makes you care about somebody in a way you most likely never cared about a person before. You care about their level of faith and hopefully want them to become even better/stronger of a Muslim. Getting married is honestly a new beginning for both people. It’s the start of building a new life together.
As a guy, I naturally know that there are certain things I may like that tend to be geared towards men and certain things I naturally dislike because they are not. I know that my interests are not the best and that female-oriented books, movies, shows, clothes, etc. are trivial or silly. For me, there are certain “girly” things I think are unnecessary in existence (earrings.. I mean, you’re putting a hole in your body!) but I look forward to somebody making me want to give up a piece of myself to learn to love something that they love.
Love is not something willy-nilly, it’s something a person should allow them self to fall into. It takes mental preparation, a little bit of sacrifice and a serious mindset. Don’t allow yourself to love another person romantically if you do not want to build a life with them.
Love is not something willy-nilly, it’s something a person should allow them self to fall into. It takes mental preparation, a little bit of sacrifice and a serious mindset. Don’t allow yourself to love another person romantically if you do not want to build a life with them.
I agree so much with what you said about dating - how it's ridiculous, and you are setting yourself up for failure etc. that's exactly how i feel. i don't actually believe in 'love'. i think we have different degrees of the amount of 'like' for different people but 'love' like in the way we see it in movies and tv shows with butterflies and the kind of do-anything-for-you sense just does not exist.
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http://eleanorcos.blogspot.com/
this is great! I think the definition of "love" has changed in a sense. It is often thrown around and is often taken for granted. It's one of those things, you cannot love "partially", it's not love then is it. "your flaws are perfect for the heart thats meant to love you"
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